1. You have an urgent message from your friendly neighbour that your 'CAVE' might be damp.

2. Your evening class French teacher insists on some practical work at least once a month.

3. The cave needs restocking and it's bargain time at the supermarket [all the year round].

4.The grapevine over your front door is in desperate need of pruning.

5. The fruit in your garden needs picking, and the neighbours are away on holiday.

6. You've run out of coffee beans and the only one's you have ever liked are available only in the little epicerie in your local village.

7. As a keen photographer you want to catch all the wildlife on your little 5 acre plot at it's best in spring/summer/autumn or indeed winter [delete the inappropriate].

8. Your neighbour, the farmer, needs a bit of extra grazing and has asked you to mark off a couple of acres of your garden where you wouldn't mind his sheep feeding.

9. Your neighbour has just offered you a redundant barn next to your property for £200, and you feel obliged to go and have a look at it even though you don't really want it.

10. You're having the devil's own time trying to communicate with your French neighbour over

the telephone, so you'd better go out and see her for yourself.

11. Tesco's cheese counter was a great disappointment this week, so you really must nip over to

replenish your cheese stock.

12. AND FINALLY, this year you have decided to give French foods and drinks as Christmas gifts!

If you want more? then follow the links above, in the images, where you can buy Fraser's published books.

Fraser Blake, 70, author of 'Dear Chips' and 'A Rant Too Far?' grew up in Africa, was at school in Scotland, and worked for the British South Africa Police in Southern Rhodesia. He has taught English in Saudi Arabia and sold and renovated hundreds of properties in Northern France.

In 1998 Fraser was selling houses in the Mayenne department of the Pays de la Loire region and so was the obvious choice, when Cle France was started, to be their first agent on the ground in France. In retirement he writes, blogs, cooks, drinks wine, and hosts to dinner unlimited numbers of ex-pats.

Always on hand with a viewpoint, Fraser is going to share his views on France, the French and the British, and other people who buy in France. Sometimes informative, sometimes funny, painfully true, outrageously opinionated but always entertaining so we hope it adds a slightly different dimension to the usual normality of searching through the fantastic properties for sale on the Cle France website.

Watch out for more rants and opinion next week or buy the book today for a rollicking good read.